Two.

lately i've been feeling like i'm not worth it. like there is nothing good going for me. i wish my life actually turned out as planned. i wish that i could make all my dreams come true already. yeah, i have this modeling thing going on, but every time i go to an event or photo shoot with my best friend, i feel like shes SO MUCH better than i am. like shes the one that they all want and im just the stupid little tag along. i wish i had the strength to be the person that i want to be. but i feel like that day will never come. this may not even make any sense write now, but i'm just writing, writing a song and about to be gone. ha, yeah i did just quot Eminem... i think thats how the lyrics go, maybe it is, maybe its not. psht who the fuck cares. this is my blog and i'll write whatever the hell i want. when i'm writing, i can hear the tune of "When I'm Gone" running through my head. thats funny, when i'm bored and want to write nothing comes to mind. but when its 4AM and i should be asleep, i somehow feel the words coming to me. damn, i'm good. maybe this modeling thing isn't for me. maybe i should just take up songwriting. that'd be cool, maybe i should. maybe i will. maybe i'll finally put these haters in their place. show then that i'm not that little girl that they used to pick on all though elementary and middle school....

Sometimes -- BS.

So theres this guy, i can't seem to stop thinking about him. But him and i have been over for a few months, but lately, hes been on my mind alot. So i'm dedicating this song to him. This is for you.

Something.

Everything i do, is never good enough.
i just wanna run far away and never look back.
i hate being broke, having nothing of my own.
i seriously hate being laughed at, being looked at
as a joke, a piece of shit.
i feel like this just isnt worth it anymore.
i need to get the hell away, seriously.
there is nothing keeping me here anymore.
i wish i had a job. i've applied everywhere in the mall.
all the goood places that i'd love to work at anyway.
my dream is to be a model / actress / singer.
but my so called 'best friend' has already done that modeling thing.
and it had totally changed her. shes not the same person that she was last week
and the week before. i miss her. shes acting like shes better than everyone else.
and that shes a fuckin diva, really now? if i wanted to be a model then i'd go to
a fuckin agency and be a model that way, actually work hard for what i want.
not just settle for stupid car shit, posing for old ass greasy men.
your lame and your pointless to talk to now. nothing will get through your head.
i just want you to know. that i still care and love you. always&forever.
and when you fall, i will still be here to catch you.

xxo
DiamondPrincess.

One.

For those reading this, I just want to let you all know that, This is NOT about anyone that you are thinking of, trust me. I don't waste my time writing about anyone (of my friends etc] ...something happened today while we (my mom, grandma & me] were going to see this stupidass apartment in NH ...won't give details, BUT let's just say that i got bitched at by the both of then (at different times] &i started balling my eyes out.

Why does it seem like everything i do is never good enough? I mean, i know what i need to do, but like its really hard to get things together when you have certain people always putting you down. Like really. I have my own dreams & plans for my life. I wish that EVERYONE would get the hell of my back & let me be who i am. etc. I just want to run away & NEVER look back. I can't deal with this anymore. I'm sick of crying, feeling like I'm not good enough for this stupid family. I'm about 2.2 seconds away from cutting everyone off from my life. I live my life for me & NOBODY else. Its really NOT your damn fucking business what i do nor what i want to do. Seriously, i want all of YOUU to leave me the fuck alone. & stop hating on me.

It's pretty fucking pathetic that the drama i have is mostly with my family -- which is pretty alright, since i can't stand drama with friends, or boys. whatever.

xo
DiamondPrincess.